1
00:00:01,958 --> 00:00:05,744
[theme music playing]

2
00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:56,795
[bleating]

3
00:00:57,883 --> 00:00:59,189
[bleating]

4
00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:03,063
[bleating]

5
00:01:06,109 --> 00:01:07,719
[bleating]

6
00:01:08,894 --> 00:01:10,070
Four, please.

7
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,375
[bleating]

8
00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:12,811
Here you go.
Be careful now.

9
00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:13,943
It's real hot.

10
00:01:15,771 --> 00:01:17,207
That-a-boy.

11
00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:18,513
-[grunt]
-Sorry, ma'am.

12
00:01:18,513 --> 00:01:19,688
[bleating]

13
00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:21,385
[phone ringing]

14
00:01:21,385 --> 00:01:23,518
O-O-Okay.

15
00:01:23,518 --> 00:01:25,346
I gotta...
I gotta answer the...

16
00:01:25,346 --> 00:01:28,131
-Thank you.
-[ringing continues]

17
00:01:29,654 --> 00:01:31,917
I'm comin'.
Hold your horses. Ahh.

18
00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:36,835
[ringing]

19
00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:41,318
MASH 4077,
Corporal O'Reilly.

20
00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:43,407
Tokyo?

21
00:01:43,407 --> 00:01:44,626
I can't hear ya!

22
00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:46,062
Wait a minute.

23
00:01:46,062 --> 00:01:48,282
[high-pitched whistling]

24
00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:50,936
Major Houlihan?

25
00:01:50,936 --> 00:01:52,155
Oh, I'm sorry
about that.

26
00:01:52,155 --> 00:01:53,852
It clears the static.

27
00:01:53,852 --> 00:01:55,854
Yes, ma'am. I'll getColonel Potter right away.

28
00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:02,122
Here you go, sir.

29
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,254
-Three lumps, four squirts.
-Thank you, Corporal.

30
00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:07,475
-Tokyo, sir. Major Houlihan.-Ah, yes.

31
00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:08,954
-Potter here.
-[big band]

32
00:02:08,954 --> 00:02:10,913
Hello, Major.How's it going?

33
00:02:10,913 --> 00:02:12,393
Oh, Colonel,

34
00:02:12,393 --> 00:02:14,090
I've been up and down
on a merry-go-round

35
00:02:14,090 --> 00:02:16,397
ever since I got here.
I've hardly slept a wink.

36
00:02:16,397 --> 00:02:17,833
Well, war is hell.

37
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:20,705
What aboutthe medical follow-up

38
00:02:20,705 --> 00:02:22,446
you were sent there for?

39
00:02:22,446 --> 00:02:24,796
Oh, Colonel, I've checked
on the progress

40
00:02:24,796 --> 00:02:28,235
of numerous patients
operated on at the 4077th,

41
00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:31,760
and I have significantrecommendations to recommend.

42
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,241
-Commendable.-[music playing, chattering]

43
00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:36,982
Ah, what's all that
caterwauling I hear?

44
00:02:36,982 --> 00:02:39,507
I'm at the Zen Bar
and Grill, sir.

45
00:02:39,507 --> 00:02:42,901
General Tumwater is givinga small celebration.

46
00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:44,512
Trevanian Tumwater?

47
00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:45,948
Worst toupee

48
00:02:45,948 --> 00:02:47,863
in the Asian theater
of operations, right?

49
00:02:47,863 --> 00:02:49,647
[laughing]

50
00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:51,910
That's him.

51
00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:55,175
The truth is, Colonel,
I have some wonderful news.

52
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,264
Must be pretty bigif Ol' Throw Rug is there.

53
00:02:57,264 --> 00:02:59,266
Oh, Colonel,
it's not just big,

54
00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:02,573
it's great big
with whipped cream.

55
00:03:02,573 --> 00:03:04,749
-Whipped cream.
-And a cherry on top.

56
00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:05,837
And a cherry.

57
00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:08,100
But I must tell you
all in person.

58
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,406
You don't trust me, Major?

59
00:03:09,406 --> 00:03:11,147
Yes, sir.

60
00:03:11,147 --> 00:03:13,236
I mean, no, sir.
Of course...

61
00:03:13,236 --> 00:03:16,021
[laughing]
Of course I don't
not trust you.

62
00:03:16,021 --> 00:03:18,067
But the phones
do have ears.

63
00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:20,374
Very well.Report to me upon arrival.

64
00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:21,592
Yes, sir.

65
00:03:21,592 --> 00:03:23,028
-And, Major?
-Yes?

66
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:24,334
Try and cheer up.

67
00:03:26,771 --> 00:03:28,730
Oh, and, Radar,bring some sugar.

68
00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:30,210
Coffee's on the bitter side.

69
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,776
Oh, right away, sir.

70
00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:35,954
Holy buckwheat.

71
00:03:37,782 --> 00:03:39,306
Clamp.

72
00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:41,264
She didn't even give youa clue, Colonel?

73
00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:43,353
Maybe she said it backwardsor every other word.

74
00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:46,487
Nada.She just said
we'd all be delighted.

75
00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:48,489
-Hemostat.
-Well, whatever it is,

76
00:03:48,489 --> 00:03:50,360
she's playing itpretty close to the chest.

77
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,493
-I heard that!-HAWKEYE: Frank's right.

78
00:03:52,493 --> 00:03:54,103
You shouldn't mention
Hot Lips' chest

79
00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:56,148
when it's not here
to stand up for itself.

80
00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:57,280
Four-oh silk.

81
00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,021
It seems Tumwater
himself

82
00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:01,937
was throwing a do
at the Zen Bar
to celebrate.

83
00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:03,895
Eh, Margaret and I
both rub shoulders

84
00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,723
with some pretty big brass.

85
00:04:05,723 --> 00:04:07,856
Not to mention
each other.

86
00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:10,467
Could be war news,maybe even peace news.

87
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:11,642
We're alwaysthe last to hear.

88
00:04:11,642 --> 00:04:12,687
We'll wake up one morning

89
00:04:12,687 --> 00:04:13,949
and find a note
pinned to Korea.

90
00:04:13,949 --> 00:04:15,516
Pacifist Pollyannas.

91
00:04:15,516 --> 00:04:17,300
Can't you read the
handwriting in the wind?

92
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,171
You know somethingwe don't, Frank?

93
00:04:19,171 --> 00:04:21,565
Well, it's no mystery
that I'm up for promotion.

94
00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:23,567
From Neanderthal
to Cro-Magnon.

95
00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:25,526
Yukkedy-yuk-yuk.

96
00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:27,963
Margaret is recommending me
for lieutenant-colonelcy,

97
00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:30,182
and that translates
into bucks after the war.

98
00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:33,316
Thank you, Daddy Warbucks.I'm finished here.

99
00:04:37,102 --> 00:04:38,930
What are you looking at?

100
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:40,497
You finished already?

101
00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:43,195
You missed all the fun,
snoop. I'm closing.

102
00:04:43,195 --> 00:04:45,372
You took out part ofa man's large intestine

103
00:04:45,372 --> 00:04:46,764
without exteriorizing it?

104
00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,288
I've learned some
shortcuts, buster.

105
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,680
A dumb shortcut, Frank.

106
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,595
-You're inviting infection.-Colonel!

107
00:04:51,595 --> 00:04:54,294
You know the procedure,
Burns. Exteriorize.

108
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,904
Well, for
your information,

109
00:04:55,904 --> 00:04:57,297
I've never had
any complaints.

110
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,560
Dead mentell no tales.

111
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,519
Thirty-eight centssays you don't make it.

112
00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:03,781
You're on.

113
00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:09,744
Tricky course.

114
00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:11,136
Same thing happened
to the guy

115
00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:12,616
who invented Orange Crush.

116
00:05:12,616 --> 00:05:14,270
I told you we should'veplayed with watermelons.

117
00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:15,619
Margaret.

118
00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:18,666
[chuckles]
The fighting 4077th.

119
00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:20,537
Somehow it's not
the same place I left.

120
00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:22,365
You've been gone a while.It's a Howard Johnson's now.

121
00:05:22,365 --> 00:05:24,498
Oh. [giggles]

122
00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:26,543
Driver, take this jeep
down to the stalls

123
00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:28,632
-and give it a good rubdown.-Ohh.

124
00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:30,373
I understand you broughtgood news from Tokyo.

125
00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:34,682
Oh, B.J., Hawkeye,it's too good to be true.

126
00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:35,987
Then it can't beFrank's promotion.

127
00:05:35,987 --> 00:05:37,424
-No.
-Frank's demotion?

128
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:39,469
[laughing] Silly.

129
00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:41,732
It's the best of
all possible newses.

130
00:05:41,732 --> 00:05:43,212
-Uh-huh.
-Now do you know?

131
00:05:43,212 --> 00:05:45,083
-How best? The Big Ben best?-Uh-huh.

132
00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:47,564
-The best-dressed best?-Uh-huh!

133
00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:49,523
-The war's over.
-Think big!

134
00:05:49,523 --> 00:05:50,611
Margaret,
we give up.

135
00:05:50,611 --> 00:05:52,656
Okay. Okay, sit down.

136
00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:54,005
-Okay, okay.
-Sit down.

137
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:55,703
-Okay. Sitting.
-Here it comes.

138
00:05:55,703 --> 00:05:57,269
-Okay. All right.
-Uh-huh. All right.

139
00:05:57,269 --> 00:05:58,880
I'm engaged
to be married.

140
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:00,838
-Yeah?
-Uh-huh.

141
00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:02,405
-That's it?
-That's the big news?

142
00:06:02,405 --> 00:06:04,189
[laughs]

143
00:06:04,189 --> 00:06:06,844
-Oh, silly, the ring!
-What ring?

144
00:06:06,844 --> 00:06:08,455
-Oh, there is a ring there.-Oh.

145
00:06:08,455 --> 00:06:09,891
That must have cost
a pretty penny.

146
00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:11,109
At least.

147
00:06:11,109 --> 00:06:12,676
I know the diamond's
not so big.

148
00:06:12,676 --> 00:06:14,025
It's a family heirloom.

149
00:06:14,025 --> 00:06:15,113
Must be a small family.

150
00:06:15,113 --> 00:06:16,680
I think it's in
excellent taste.

151
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,334
Well, listen,who wants a pushy ring?

152
00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:20,858
Oh, they're rich,
but they try
not to flaunt it.

153
00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:22,164
They're succeeding.

154
00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:23,818
-Congratulations, Margaret.-Thank you.

155
00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:25,689
-I betcha Frank wouldbe interested in this.-You think so?

156
00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:27,387
No, no, don't say a word.I wanna tell him myself.

157
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,823
I know he'll be
thrilled for me.

158
00:06:28,823 --> 00:06:30,825
Thrilled? He'll be
out of his mind.

159
00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:32,870
-[laughs] I know.
-Oh, yeah.

160
00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:36,918
-Oh. That's better.
-[chuckles]

161
00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:40,269
Ah, very...

162
00:06:40,269 --> 00:06:42,489
uh, hmm.

163
00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:44,795
I keep pinching myself
to see if I'm dreaming.

164
00:06:44,795 --> 00:06:47,232
Oh, you'll give yourselfa black-and-blue mark.

165
00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:49,626
My aunt got oneat a little league game.

166
00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,280
Foul ball hit herin the shoulder.

167
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:52,803
Blood clotwent to her brain.

168
00:06:52,803 --> 00:06:55,850
Next day she keeled overin her bean salad.

169
00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:57,504
Colonel, he's everything
I asked for

170
00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:59,593
when you dressed up
as Santa last Christmas:

171
00:06:59,593 --> 00:07:01,769
virile,
broad in the shoulders,

172
00:07:01,769 --> 00:07:03,161
straight in the back.

173
00:07:03,161 --> 00:07:05,642
He sleeps on
a bare piece of plywood.

174
00:07:05,642 --> 00:07:08,079
-Back trouble?
-Not that I noticed.

175
00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:09,559
He's a West Pointer.

176
00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:11,213
He calls me
his little plebe.

177
00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:13,084
[giggles]

178
00:07:13,084 --> 00:07:15,652
Here's his picture.

179
00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:17,175
Donald Penobscott.

180
00:07:17,175 --> 00:07:18,699
-Fine specimen.
-Mm-hmm.

181
00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:19,961
Who's the gal with him?

182
00:07:19,961 --> 00:07:21,179
I think she's a cousin.

183
00:07:21,179 --> 00:07:23,268
Oh. Close family.

184
00:07:23,268 --> 00:07:25,880
-Lieutenant colonel, huh?-Oh, yes.

185
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,360
I couldn't love anyone
who didn't outrank me.

186
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,885
Major, may I
ask you something,

187
00:07:30,885 --> 00:07:32,277
not as your C.O .,

188
00:07:32,277 --> 00:07:34,018
but as a friend with
a lot of hash marks?

189
00:07:34,018 --> 00:07:35,367
Certainly, Colonel.

190
00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:37,457
Are you sure you're
not rushing into this

191
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,023
in the heat of...

192
00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:40,547
whatever heat
you may be in?

193
00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:45,160
Donald is considerate,brave, and so generous.

194
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:48,032
He paid
for that shower curtain
out of his own pocket,

195
00:07:48,032 --> 00:07:50,426
and it wasn't even
our fault when it ripped.

196
00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:57,215
Nothing new
under the sun, Major.

197
00:07:57,215 --> 00:08:00,088
About my follow-up
report, sir,

198
00:08:00,088 --> 00:08:03,831
uh, some of our procedures
need improvement.

199
00:08:03,831 --> 00:08:05,572
I'll call a staff meetingright away.

200
00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:08,400
-And congratulations, Major.-Thank you, Colonel.

201
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,837
How's Major Burnstaking the good news?

202
00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:12,492
-I haven't told him yet.-I have a suggestion.

203
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,624
Break it to himover a cup of phenobarb.

204
00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:18,280
I'm not kidding.

205
00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:21,152
Ha ha!

206
00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:22,414
Well, Dr. Smarty-Pants,

207
00:08:22,414 --> 00:08:23,590
I'll have you know

208
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:25,330
my patient is making
a rapid recovery.

209
00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:27,332
-Well, that's one.
-Give me that Bible.

210
00:08:27,332 --> 00:08:28,986
And keep
your hands off it.

211
00:08:28,986 --> 00:08:30,901
This came from
an expensive curio shop

212
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:33,687
at the Indianapolis
Speedway.

213
00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:35,427
I was only lookingat the centerfold.

214
00:08:35,427 --> 00:08:37,647
Funny how it fell open
to Sodom and Gomorrah.

215
00:08:37,647 --> 00:08:39,388
I got better
things to do

216
00:08:39,388 --> 00:08:41,390
than to chew the fat
with you two.

217
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:42,913
Well, he knows
she's back.

218
00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:45,525
This old cowboy ain'tgonna be lonesome tonight.

219
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,178
[clucking tune]

220
00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:53,097
[clucking continues]

221
00:08:56,927 --> 00:09:00,061
Uh, Frank, have you talked
with Annie Oakley yet?

222
00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:02,106
Well, if you're referringto Major Houlihan,

223
00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:03,847
I'm gonna let her surprise mewith my promotion.

224
00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:05,153
[chuckles]

225
00:09:05,153 --> 00:09:06,937
Frank, weren't youa Boy Scout?

226
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:09,331
Yes, I was.Later, I was scoutmaster.

227
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:12,160
Until those little ingrates
set fire to his pants.

228
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,292
Not true. That was a drill.

229
00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:15,729
Well, you remembertheir motto?

230
00:09:15,729 --> 00:09:16,817
Ah, "Be Prepared"?

231
00:09:16,817 --> 00:09:18,253
Well, Frank Burns
was never caught

232
00:09:18,253 --> 00:09:19,733
with his pants down.

233
00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,909
Good, Frank. Becausein the middle of a war,

234
00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:24,302
there are all kinds ofpain and suffering.

235
00:09:24,302 --> 00:09:25,565
Have you noticed that?

236
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,392
Oh, sure.
But we're doctors.

237
00:09:27,392 --> 00:09:29,351
We're trained to
ignore people's pain.

238
00:09:29,351 --> 00:09:33,268
Frank, sometimes you haveto expect the worst.

239
00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:35,879
MAN [over P.A.]: Attention! All doctor personnel

240
00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:38,316
are to personally report to the Mess Tent.

241
00:09:38,316 --> 00:09:40,928
Hey, tell 'em Frank Burnsis gonna be a little late.

242
00:09:40,928 --> 00:09:42,886
He's busy
tuning his face.

243
00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:49,371
-Frank--
-Now what?

244
00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:51,025
Never mind. It'll keep.

245
00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:55,638
Hence and furthermore,

246
00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:57,858
the progress of
a patient in Tokyo

247
00:09:57,858 --> 00:09:59,468
depends on
the quality of care

248
00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:01,252
that befalls
upon him right here.

249
00:10:01,252 --> 00:10:02,776
Ohh.

250
00:10:02,776 --> 00:10:04,691
One of the great public
speakers of our time.

251
00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:06,431
My student council couldhave used someone like her.

252
00:10:06,431 --> 00:10:07,868
Mine did.

253
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:10,479
Thank you for thatinformative report, Major.

254
00:10:10,479 --> 00:10:12,873
Floor is now open
for questions.

255
00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:15,397
-Pierce?
-What's the capital
of South Dakota?

256
00:10:15,397 --> 00:10:16,703
Ha-ha.

257
00:10:16,703 --> 00:10:18,922
[mocking laughter]

258
00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:20,532
Did I dosomething funny?

259
00:10:20,532 --> 00:10:22,665
I don't know, Frank.
Did you just come
from surgery?

260
00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:24,493
Major Burns, we're practicallyfinished. You're late.

261
00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:27,496
Oh. Then you'll have
to brief me later,
Major Houlihan.

262
00:10:27,496 --> 00:10:30,238
You happen to be sittingin my traditional place,Corporal.

263
00:10:30,238 --> 00:10:32,675
-You didn't call dibs.
-Four-eyes.

264
00:10:35,156 --> 00:10:36,853
Is there anything furtherto report, Major?

265
00:10:36,853 --> 00:10:39,116
Yes, Colonel.
About three weeks ago,

266
00:10:39,116 --> 00:10:41,205
one of our patients,
a Lieutenant Turvey,

267
00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:43,381
required emergency
surgery in Tokyo.

268
00:10:43,381 --> 00:10:45,470
Apparently, the MASH
surgeon removed

269
00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:47,734
part of the colon
without exteriorizing.

270
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:50,040
The patient later
developed peritonitis.

271
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,390
And which of uswas responsible for that?

272
00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:54,871
Oh, it was
Major Burns, sir.

273
00:10:54,871 --> 00:10:56,743
Well, that's one on me.

274
00:10:56,743 --> 00:10:58,483
Well, he's certainly beinga good sport about it.

275
00:10:58,483 --> 00:10:59,746
I'd say.

276
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:01,530
What do you have to sayfor yourself, Burns?

277
00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:03,619
Colonel, exteriorizingtakes time.

278
00:11:03,619 --> 00:11:05,665
I'm a busy man. I've gotthings to do. I'm sorry.

279
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,884
Major Burns,
he nearly died.

280
00:11:07,884 --> 00:11:09,407
Well, I said I'm sorry.

281
00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:10,931
You don't have to makea federal case out of it.

282
00:11:10,931 --> 00:11:12,933
From now on,it's strictly by the book.

283
00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:15,849
This happens again,it goes on your record.

284
00:11:15,849 --> 00:11:19,287
Okay. I thought this wasgoing to be a fun meeting.

285
00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:21,463
Dismissed.

286
00:11:21,463 --> 00:11:23,987
Let's go in the den
and watch TV.

287
00:11:28,252 --> 00:11:30,733
Oh, Margaret, I couldhardly contain myself.

288
00:11:30,733 --> 00:11:32,126
When's my promotioncoming through?

289
00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:33,518
You're not getting
promoted, Frank.

290
00:11:33,518 --> 00:11:34,781
-I'm not?
-No.

291
00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:35,869
But what about the good news?

292
00:11:35,869 --> 00:11:37,218
-Look.
-What?

293
00:11:37,218 --> 00:11:38,436
Look! Look.

294
00:11:38,436 --> 00:11:40,134
Is there a bee on me?

295
00:11:40,134 --> 00:11:42,702
Frank, I'm showing you
my engagement ring.

296
00:11:44,268 --> 00:11:46,706
-What?-I'm going to be married.

297
00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:49,012
Get ready to duck.

298
00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:50,579
He's liable to explode.

299
00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:52,755
Do you like it, Frank?

300
00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:54,714
What do you think?

301
00:11:56,193 --> 00:11:57,847
I think it's lovely.

302
00:11:57,847 --> 00:11:59,066
Really?

303
00:11:59,066 --> 00:12:00,676
Have I ever lied to you?

304
00:12:00,676 --> 00:12:02,417
Congratulations.

305
00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:04,114
Oh, I'm so happy, Frank.

306
00:12:04,114 --> 00:12:06,421
If you're happy,I'm happy.

307
00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:17,475
Well, that worked out
all right.

308
00:12:23,046 --> 00:12:24,874
How's Burns taking it?

309
00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:26,963
Pretty hard. He was cluckinglike a chicken last night.

310
00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:28,399
Well,that's not so bad.

311
00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:29,705
Nine straight hours?

312
00:12:29,705 --> 00:12:31,794
Well, we canuse the eggs.

313
00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:34,231
I pity the firstenlisted man he sees.

314
00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:35,842
He'll eat him alive.

315
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,018
Colonel.
B.J. Hawkeye.

316
00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:39,541
Colonel. B.J.

317
00:12:39,541 --> 00:12:40,890
What about me, Frank?

318
00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:42,413
Oh, hi, Hawkeye.

319
00:12:42,413 --> 00:12:44,285
Keep an eyeon him in O.R.

320
00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:45,895
A lot of pressureon his cork.

321
00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:47,331
I thinkhe's ready to pop.

322
00:12:47,331 --> 00:12:48,855
I'll see that he getsthe kiddie scalpel,

323
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,682
the one withthe rubber blade.

324
00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:53,163
Hey, B.J., Hawkeye,

325
00:12:53,163 --> 00:12:55,687
I got penicillin from the guyat the regular price.

326
00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:57,254
It's all good stuff too.
Look at that.

327
00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:59,256
Just a second.

328
00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:02,520
Black market, huh?Regular price, huh?

329
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:03,695
Yes, sir.

330
00:13:03,695 --> 00:13:05,045
Good work, soldier.

331
00:13:05,045 --> 00:13:06,568
You may have saved lives.

332
00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:11,138
He touched me.

333
00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:12,748
You want to press charges?

334
00:13:12,748 --> 00:13:15,316
Corporal, if you needa job after the war,

335
00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:17,187
look me up in Fort Wayne.

336
00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:18,798
You mean come
over to your house

337
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,538
and sit on the sofa
and stuff?

338
00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:22,627
We have covers.

339
00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:25,630
Frank had his family wrappedin plastic before he left.

340
00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:26,893
What kind of a job
would that be,

341
00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:28,590
if you don't mind
my asking, sir?

342
00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:30,374
My nephew owns a chainof pet mortuaries.

343
00:13:30,374 --> 00:13:33,334
Plenty of workif you like animals.

344
00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:35,815
Uh, uh,
no thank you, sir.

345
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,556
I think death
gives me a rash.

346
00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:40,036
And what a physique.

347
00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:42,430
Shoulders like this.

348
00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:45,781
Dancer's legs,
and a cute little behind.

349
00:13:45,781 --> 00:13:48,218
That can be cured nowadayswith a tushy transplant.

350
00:13:48,218 --> 00:13:50,830
[giggles] Tushy transplant.

351
00:13:51,961 --> 00:13:54,181
He's got medals
all over his chest.

352
00:13:54,181 --> 00:13:56,661
Must be tough
to get his shirt on.

353
00:13:56,661 --> 00:14:00,491
A wimp he is not.
He's all man.

354
00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:02,319
Some salt, please,for Frank's wounds,

355
00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:03,494
complimentsof Major Houlihan.

356
00:14:03,494 --> 00:14:04,800
Captain Pierce,

357
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,715
must you comment
on everything I say?

358
00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:08,717
Do you have to keep babblingabout your tin soldier?

359
00:14:08,717 --> 00:14:10,501
Oh, let her babble, Pierce.

360
00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:12,286
I will brook no babbling.

361
00:14:12,286 --> 00:14:14,636
It happens only once
in a lifetime.

362
00:14:14,636 --> 00:14:16,986
I need some extra help
here. Major Houlihan?

363
00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:19,162
Certainly.

364
00:14:19,162 --> 00:14:21,164
Why, Major Burns, you'reexteriorizing the wound.

365
00:14:21,164 --> 00:14:22,862
It's the least
I can do, Margaret.

366
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:25,038
Put-- Hold your finger
right there.

367
00:14:25,038 --> 00:14:27,127
Good.
Best hands in Korea.

368
00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:28,171
Thank you, Major.

369
00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:29,738
So this Penobsnott's--

370
00:14:29,738 --> 00:14:31,566
-Penobscott.
-Penobscott.

371
00:14:31,566 --> 00:14:32,741
He's a West Pointer?

372
00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:34,699
Finished 203rdin a class of 600.

373
00:14:34,699 --> 00:14:36,179
-Really?
-He's brilliant.

374
00:14:36,179 --> 00:14:37,137
Aah!

375
00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:39,443
-What is it?
-You stabbed me!

376
00:14:39,443 --> 00:14:41,532
Come on. Hold still.
Hold still.

377
00:14:41,532 --> 00:14:44,318
That sadist.He did it on purpose.

378
00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:47,060
Yeah, well, if he hadn't,
I would've.

379
00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:48,888
What's that supposed to mean?

380
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,499
It means you have
the sensitivity
of a Sherman tank.

381
00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:53,109
Talking about that guy
in front of Frank

382
00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:54,806
is a swift kick
in his ego--

383
00:14:54,806 --> 00:14:56,460
a target
one can hardly miss.

384
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:58,201
He's a grown man, isn't he?

385
00:14:58,201 --> 00:15:00,464
Semi. Aah! Ahh!

386
00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:01,639
Something wrong?

387
00:15:01,639 --> 00:15:03,467
You did that on purpose.

388
00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:04,642
You can take it.

389
00:15:04,642 --> 00:15:06,557
You're a grown woman.
Semi.

390
00:15:06,557 --> 00:15:10,300
Since when have you ever giventwo hoots about Frank Burns?

391
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:13,434
It's only one hoot.
I just started.

392
00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:15,915
You've given him a fewswift kicks yourself.

393
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,742
Yeah. But never
when he was down,

394
00:15:17,742 --> 00:15:20,093
only when he wasn't
looking.

395
00:15:20,093 --> 00:15:22,922
I still havefeelings for the man.

396
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:26,664
I'll always have a soft spotfor a real patriot.

397
00:15:26,664 --> 00:15:31,756
But when I can have Adonis,why bother with Pinocchio?

398
00:15:31,756 --> 00:15:37,023
When I can have hewn oak,why do I need stucco?

399
00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:40,852
When I can have knockwurst,why settle for a...

400
00:15:40,852 --> 00:15:42,637
Cocktail frank?

401
00:15:42,637 --> 00:15:44,204
[knock knock]

402
00:15:44,204 --> 00:15:45,466
MARGARET:Who's there?

403
00:15:45,466 --> 00:15:46,858
Open the door
and let me in,

404
00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:48,164
or I'll huff
and I'll puff,
and I'll--

405
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:49,905
Come in, Frank.

406
00:15:49,905 --> 00:15:51,211
You're supposed to say

407
00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:52,777
"Not by the hair onmy chinny-chin-chin."

408
00:15:52,777 --> 00:15:54,736
Frank, there'll be no morechinny-chin-chin,

409
00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:56,216
or any other part of me.

410
00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:57,826
Oh, of course not.

411
00:15:57,826 --> 00:16:00,742
Let's face it, Frank.
We're finished.

412
00:16:00,742 --> 00:16:03,266
With Donald, I'll be ableto pursue my army career

413
00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:05,312
and have what
every woman wants--

414
00:16:05,312 --> 00:16:08,663
a home, children,
a washer-dryer.

415
00:16:08,663 --> 00:16:11,709
I wish only the bestfor you, Margaret.

416
00:16:11,709 --> 00:16:14,190
I came to apologizefor that mishap.

417
00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:16,845
Sex is out, Frank.
I love Donald.

418
00:16:16,845 --> 00:16:19,674
Sex? I have no desireto infringe on

419
00:16:19,674 --> 00:16:21,371
your already-spoken-forfringes.

420
00:16:21,371 --> 00:16:23,243
Good.

421
00:16:23,243 --> 00:16:24,940
If I've misjudged you,
I'm sorry.

422
00:16:24,940 --> 00:16:26,289
Oh...

423
00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:28,030
When I heardyou were engaged,

424
00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:30,554
I sat down and did
some hard thinking.

425
00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:34,906
And there, printed
right on the paper,

426
00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:37,213
was the answer.

427
00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:38,867
Lawn mowers.

428
00:16:40,956 --> 00:16:42,349
You lost me, Frank.

429
00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:43,828
Lawn mowers, Margaret.

430
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:46,048
That's what this war
is all about.

431
00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:49,791
The smell of fresh-cut grasson a hot summer's day...

432
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:52,533
girls with straight,
white teeth...

433
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:56,232
freckle-faced kids
in striped T-shirts.

434
00:16:56,232 --> 00:17:00,454
Oh, Frank, when you talk
like that, I-I could--

435
00:17:09,854 --> 00:17:13,206
May I give the bridea peck on the beak?

436
00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:15,773
I don't think it would
weaken the war effort.

437
00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:20,169
Frank,
you moved your lips!

438
00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:21,736
Sorry, Margaret.They slipped.

439
00:17:21,736 --> 00:17:23,564
-I think you'd better go!-Just one more.

440
00:17:23,564 --> 00:17:25,479
Let me go!
I'm an engaged person!

441
00:17:25,479 --> 00:17:28,047
-Now we can cheat together!-Let go of me!

442
00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:31,180
What has he got
that I haven't got?

443
00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:33,791
-Lips.-Lips aren't everything.

444
00:17:33,791 --> 00:17:35,576
Don't! I'll tell Donald!

445
00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:37,578
He'll grind you
into soap flakes!

446
00:17:37,578 --> 00:17:38,840
Ooh, say "grind" again!

447
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,842
-Oh, stop that!
-But I have drives.

448
00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:42,365
I'll give you a drive.

449
00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:45,368
Aah! No fair
hitting, Margaret!

450
00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:48,110
Attacking a poor,defenseless woman like that!

451
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,633
What kind of a coward are you?

452
00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:51,896
Coward?You call me a coward?

453
00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:52,984
That's right!

454
00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:58,773
Coward? I'll show you!

455
00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:05,519
Blood 'n guts Burns.

456
00:18:06,563 --> 00:18:08,174
Ha!

457
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:15,006
[snarling, shouting]

458
00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:22,753
[pin clattering to the ground]

459
00:18:22,753 --> 00:18:24,799
Oh.

460
00:18:24,799 --> 00:18:26,017
Oh.

461
00:18:38,943 --> 00:18:41,120
[giggles]

462
00:18:59,616 --> 00:19:01,923
It's 7:30.
Where's Burns?

463
00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,968
Having paternalfeelings?

464
00:19:03,968 --> 00:19:06,406
Now I know how Dad felt
the night of my prom.

465
00:19:06,406 --> 00:19:07,972
Hmm, when you wereout breaking in

466
00:19:07,972 --> 00:19:09,496
your first debauch?

467
00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:11,585
The hardest part wasexplaining the beach sand

468
00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:13,935
in my tuxedo pants.

469
00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:15,502
Maybe Needle-Face
left a note.

470
00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:17,939
No telling what he'll do.

471
00:19:19,549 --> 00:19:21,943
-Uh-oh.
-What is it?

472
00:19:21,943 --> 00:19:24,206
He took his gun
and his toothbrush.

473
00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:25,990
Shooting his mouth
off again.

474
00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:30,473
Uh, I think you sirsought to, uh, come outside.

475
00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:35,478
Hup, two, three, four.

476
00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:37,263
Hup, two, three, four.

477
00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:39,743
Hup, two, three, four.

478
00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:42,920
Hup, two, three.
Company, halt.

479
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,184
Halt! Did you hear me?

480
00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:49,057
Major Burns presenting
prisoners of war

481
00:19:49,057 --> 00:19:50,189
to be interrogated, sir!

482
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,494
War prisoners?

483
00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:52,756
A band of enemy guerrillas

484
00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:53,888
for questioning, sir.

485
00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:54,932
Guerillas?

486
00:19:54,932 --> 00:19:56,107
Yeah, they tried
to trick me.

487
00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:57,979
masquerading as
a Korean family

488
00:19:57,979 --> 00:19:59,198
having a meal.

489
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:00,634
Oh, that old ploy.

490
00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:01,896
What tipped youoff, Frank?

491
00:20:01,896 --> 00:20:03,202
Oh, they're not
so clever.

492
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,551
They looked
a little too much

493
00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:05,813
like a Korean family
eating a meal.

494
00:20:05,813 --> 00:20:07,293
Midgets, right?

495
00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:08,381
Check.

496
00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:10,426
And the oxis a radio.

497
00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:12,428
Radar, see if they needmedical attention.

498
00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:14,038
-I'm gonna get 'em some food.-Then get them a good meal.

499
00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:15,736
-I think they need clothes, too.-Some extra provisions.

500
00:20:15,736 --> 00:20:16,737
-And some hay for the ox.-Hay for the ox. Right away.

501
00:20:16,737 --> 00:20:17,999
[speaking Korean]

502
00:20:17,999 --> 00:20:19,435
Burns, I want youin my office.

503
00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:20,610
Pierce and Hunnicutt,

504
00:20:20,610 --> 00:20:22,133
I'd like youto be there, too.

505
00:20:23,091 --> 00:20:24,310
So you lost the gal.

506
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:25,659
That's happenedto all of us.

507
00:20:25,659 --> 00:20:27,748
No reason to turninto Sergeant York.

508
00:20:27,748 --> 00:20:29,793
I haven't
given her a thought
since I stabbed her.

509
00:20:29,793 --> 00:20:31,099
Frank, will you sit down?

510
00:20:31,099 --> 00:20:32,622
No. I prefer to remain
alert and ready.

511
00:20:32,622 --> 00:20:33,928
Frank, you're exhausted.

512
00:20:33,928 --> 00:20:35,886
You haven't slept in 48 hours.

513
00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:38,193
POTTER: Bringing inthat Korean family.

514
00:20:38,193 --> 00:20:39,803
Well, why did you
let 'em go?

515
00:20:39,803 --> 00:20:41,109
There could've been
a medal in it for me.

516
00:20:41,109 --> 00:20:43,242
Son, heroics justget people killed.

517
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,765
They don't impressanybody.

518
00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:47,289
Audie Murphy was turneddown twice in one day,

519
00:20:47,289 --> 00:20:48,769
once by Miss Fresno.

520
00:20:48,769 --> 00:20:50,553
That's just because
he was short.

521
00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:51,902
Major,pull in your reins.

522
00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:53,252
You're heading fora Section 8.

523
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,818
Section 8?

524
00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:56,516
-Put the rifle down, Frank.-Just take it easy, Frank.

525
00:20:56,516 --> 00:20:57,995
-I'll take it, Frank.-Stay away from me,the three of you.

526
00:20:57,995 --> 00:21:00,563
-Okay, Frank.-Just take it easy now.

527
00:21:00,563 --> 00:21:03,262
Um, there's a phone call
for Major Burns.

528
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,567
Who is it?

529
00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:06,439
I don't know, sir.
It's long distance.

530
00:21:06,439 --> 00:21:08,354
I wonder
who that could be.

531
00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:11,661
Um, I'll keep an eyeon them for you, Major.

532
00:21:17,972 --> 00:21:19,452
Hello. This is
Major Frank Burns.

533
00:21:19,452 --> 00:21:20,627
Who's this?

534
00:21:20,627 --> 00:21:22,716
Mommy who?

535
00:21:22,716 --> 00:21:26,937
Oh, my mommy. Hi, Mom.

536
00:21:26,937 --> 00:21:29,288
Oh, I'm fine, Mom.

537
00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:32,116
No, I'm not.

538
00:21:32,116 --> 00:21:33,814
Well, nobody likes me here,

539
00:21:33,814 --> 00:21:36,295
you know, as usual.

540
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:38,122
I don't want
to talk about it.

541
00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:41,996
Well, you see,
I had this friend...

542
00:21:43,998 --> 00:21:46,435
and this friend, um,

543
00:21:46,435 --> 00:21:50,047
well, just pretendedto like me, you know...

544
00:21:50,047 --> 00:21:51,658
the way Dad used to.

545
00:21:51,658 --> 00:21:52,702
[chuckles]

546
00:21:54,574 --> 00:21:56,140
He's crying.

547
00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:58,491
-Catharsis.
-Gesundheit.

548
00:21:58,491 --> 00:22:01,102
Phone call couldn't havecome at a better time, Radar.

549
00:22:01,102 --> 00:22:03,452
-Nice work, Radar.
-Thanks.

550
00:22:03,452 --> 00:22:06,237
I figured sometimes a guy'sjust gotta talk to his mom.

551
00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:08,849
Well, you're right, Mom.

552
00:22:08,849 --> 00:22:10,459
What do I care?

553
00:22:10,459 --> 00:22:12,679
I can always find
a new friend.

554
00:22:12,679 --> 00:22:14,507
[chuckles]

555
00:22:14,507 --> 00:22:17,510
Yeah. I am kinda sleepy.

556
00:22:18,902 --> 00:22:21,557
Nighty-night.

557
00:22:21,557 --> 00:22:22,819
[phone clatters to the floor]

558
00:22:22,819 --> 00:22:24,691
HAWKEYE:
Look at that pussycat.

559
00:22:24,691 --> 00:22:26,867
Can you get him
back to the Swamp?

560
00:22:26,867 --> 00:22:28,129
Do we have a choice?

561
00:22:28,129 --> 00:22:30,174
Come on, Frankie.
Time for beddie-bye.

562
00:22:30,174 --> 00:22:32,002
[mumbling] Mom, can I
have a glass of water?

563
00:22:32,002 --> 00:22:34,048
Sure, Frankie.
If you're a good boy,

564
00:22:34,048 --> 00:22:36,442
Mom will read you
another chapter about
Eeyore and Piglet.

565
00:22:36,442 --> 00:22:37,747
And Tigger?

566
00:22:37,747 --> 00:22:39,923
Yeah, Tigger and Pooh,
all your favorites.

567
00:22:45,973 --> 00:22:48,367
Donald has these
enormous arms.

568
00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:50,499
And he has the tattoo
of a Sherman tank

569
00:22:50,499 --> 00:22:51,935
on his right bicep.

570
00:22:51,935 --> 00:22:54,024
And he flexes this muscle,

571
00:22:54,024 --> 00:22:56,766
and the tank keepsgetting bigger and bigger.

572
00:22:56,766 --> 00:22:58,681
The Princess of Tact
is at it again.

573
00:22:58,681 --> 00:23:00,553
Miss Sensitivity.

574
00:23:00,553 --> 00:23:03,643
[Margaret laughing]

575
00:23:03,643 --> 00:23:06,385
I just get so excitedtalking about him.

576
00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:08,169
Oh, good morning,
Major Houlihan.

577
00:23:08,169 --> 00:23:09,388
Good morning,Major Burns.

578
00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:11,302
-Good morning, princess.-Morning.

579
00:23:11,302 --> 00:23:13,696
Listen, Pierce, why don'tyou and I go out

580
00:23:13,696 --> 00:23:15,437
on the town tonight, hmm?

581
00:23:15,437 --> 00:23:16,569
Well, this is
so sudden, Frank.

582
00:23:16,569 --> 00:23:18,135
I don't have
anything to wear.

583
00:23:18,135 --> 00:23:19,833
Oh, I mean, geta couple of nurses,

584
00:23:19,833 --> 00:23:21,443
go over to Rosie's Bar,have a little fun, hmm?

585
00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:22,792
Sounds good to me.

586
00:23:22,792 --> 00:23:24,925
There's this littleredheaded nurse

587
00:23:24,925 --> 00:23:26,579
who's had her eye on me.

588
00:23:26,579 --> 00:23:28,581
And tonight,her wish will come true.

589
00:23:28,581 --> 00:23:29,669
[giggles]

590
00:23:29,669 --> 00:23:31,061
Do you mean that new girl

591
00:23:31,061 --> 00:23:32,280
with the freckles on her nose?

592
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,064
Yes, that's the one.

593
00:23:34,064 --> 00:23:37,677
She's a little young for you,isn't she, Major Burns?

594
00:23:37,677 --> 00:23:39,200
Oh, I don't know.

595
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:44,335
I thought a little youthmight be nice for a change.

596
00:23:44,335 --> 00:23:46,686
I think the convoy
just took a direct hit.

597
00:23:46,686 --> 00:23:49,776
If you'll excuse me,I'll just go finish my letter.

598
00:23:49,776 --> 00:23:52,039
You need any help
holding up your pen?

599
00:23:57,218 --> 00:23:58,698
I really got heron that one, didn't I?

600
00:23:58,698 --> 00:23:59,742
[laughing]

601
00:24:06,706 --> 00:24:09,143
[theme music playing]